here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
