Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
