I'm so fucking centered right now
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
