Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
