I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
