Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
