Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
