I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
