bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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