everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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