I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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