The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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