Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
