Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
