I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You don't make any sense
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