Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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