Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
