I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
