Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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