brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
