so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
