I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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