I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
