and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
