I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
