Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
