is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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