I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
