I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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