i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
