i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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