u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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