Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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