I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
