oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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