we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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