so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
