you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
