he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
