I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
