i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
