in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
