so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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