My brain says no but my pants say off.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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