i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
