So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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