When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
