Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
