i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
