Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
