actually, I'm a sock model
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
