pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
