8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
