all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
