she was so not down for the gang bang
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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