My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
